Here I find myself smack dab in the middle of summer, and sitting in the same place I was last summer every Tuesday, in the Health Office of the Girl Scout camp.  Not at all what I had expected after my graduation this May, but grateful to be wanted and getting a pay check.  This isn’t where I wanted to be, or what we had hoped and planned for, but all the same I feel that I am exactly where I need to be.

The month after graduation flew by, and was packed with recuperating from the strain and stress of being a full time college student and trying to reclaim my unchanging role as a wife and mother.  The kids activities kept me very busy, as well as finishing out master bedroom in the upstairs expansion (an 8 year project!), and beginning the job search.  The market for new graduate nurses is a very difficult one, and the constant strain of rejection was wearing.  In all the hustle and the worry, the board exam crept up on me quickly.  Two weeks before my testing date, I got a call from the camp director asking if would or could come back to my job from last summer as Health Director.  They had been able to hire a new person who ended up needing to back out suddenly during staff training, and they were suddenly in desperate need!  I accepted part time hours, and so here I am.

On the night before the exam, I planned to make dinner, clean up, send the kids to bed, print my authorization to test letter (can not take the exam without it), and have some quite study time before bed.  Instead, a heavy and violent thunderstorm struck right after dinner, knocking out power for us as well as thousands of other houses in the metro.  No power or internet to print my letter, very upset kids who didn’t want to sleep, and one very stressed out and upset mother.  Life has a tendency to laugh in the face of our well laid plans.

By a miracle my tech savvy husband was able to piece together a way to print my authorization paper, and we went to bed, late.  I didn’t get to study.  I hardly slept. The full truth is I had been unable to balance home life and preparation for the exam at all.

The morning brought still no power, and the need to find a new home for our now full and thawing freezer.  There was freezer room and my parents house, so I loaded up the car, headed out with my authorization to test, and off I went to sit for my exam… after finding room for the food.

So what this all is, is the reasons I tell myself that I did not pass my boards on the first try.  I was caught literally in the perfect storm, and while I felt that overall I could pass, I in fact did not.  Which brings us to the present.

Working just three days a week is giving me time to study the NCLEX this time around.  Having four days of no work has given me time to be a mom again.  While it’s not what we had expected, we are all doing pretty well for right now.  I can’t help but see this all as more a blessing than a road block.  While I was disappointed and upset for awhile when I got confirmation that I didn’t pass, I have made a decision to see the upside.  I love working with the staff and the campers.  I love having a summer to recoup and just BREATH.  I will find a great job that is a good fit for me when the summer ends, and this time I will pass the NCLEX.

Big changes are right around the corner for our little family, and we just have to hang on for the ride.  In the future, as in the past, we are grateful and blessed.  I am just waiting here in the dark for the sunrise.

Advertisements