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My days are filled with house work, gardening, child care, cooking, trying to exercise, and oh, finding time to study for the NCLEX exam.  I am in a waiting game that will soon be over of checking my email every few hours to see if I have my authorization to take my boards exam yet.  It’s a little like a twilight zone of no longer feeling like a student, and not really being a nurse yet either.  Also, being automatically dumped from employment pools because I am lacking my RN license as of now.

The holding pattern of not having work, and not being able to test, and receiving a constant stream of rejection has raised in my soul a level of self-doubt and sadness.  I have been praying lately for peace, for composure, and trust that all is in Gods plan.  I wonder, am I good enough?  Did I take the right path?  I can get ahead of myself pretty easily, and run into figurative walls I didn’t know were in front of me.  It hurts.  Rejection and waiting… sucks.

Today, in the simplest of ways, my prayers were answered.  It didn’t come in the form of a job offer, or even my OK to test.  It came to me as I sat in the lobby of the  YMCA waiting for Little Man to finish preschool graduation practice.  Sitting across from me was a man not much older than my father having a pleasant conversation with an elderly man about how me turned around his health with regular exercise at the Y and improvements to his diet.  I took out my smart phone to open my NCLEX exam prep application, and then was addressed by the elderly man.  “Are you with this man?”  “No,” I said, “I am waiting for my son.”  Then the older man said his good byes and got up to go about his day.  From there, I became engaged in conversation with the other man, and he began to ask me about myself.  I found myself telling him about my journey from being a Geology student to Medical Lab. (he started his career as a Geologist), and about my eventual calling to nursing and midwifery.  He told me about his daughters, and his journey from full-time military duty to teaching high school, and how he also found himself a college student supporting a family at one time also.  I told him about my wonderful husband, my great kids, and he smiled and listened.  I am not sure why I gave him a brief overview of my life story, but it all seemed necessary.  He asked me what sparked my love of science in the first place, and I took him all the way back to my high school Science Olympiad team.  I told him how much I loved it, and how it influenced me.  He smiled bigger and asked me where I went to school.  I told him, and he said, “No way!” and asked me when I graduated.  “I was there from 95-99,” I said.

“What was your maiden name,” he asked.  I told him and his eyes sparkled.  Sitting across from me was my earth science high school coach.  “I remember you, Jenny.  I remember you with a bright light, and I know that you are going to do great things.  I am so proud of you.  Anyone who is so good at chemistry and statistics and geology is pretty damn smart.  You are going to be OK.”  I smiled and thanked him.  We said goodbye, and he went about his day.  What a blessing of affirmation.  Just when I was succumbing to negativity.  Just when I was filling myself with negative self-talk and self-doubt, I was blessed with a reassurance that all will be well.  I am humbled, and amazed.  A miracle happens everyday if you are open to seeing and accepting it.

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