, , , , , , , ,

My junior year in nursing school is three fourths the way through.  Part of me wonders where the time has gone, and part of me wonders what the hell is taking so long.  I see my life as if in a state of suspension.  The calendar days roll by, but I am at a type of stand still while this degree walks through the steps.  Academically, I am sliding a bit this semester.  My test scores have slipped in my adults lecture course from my usual performance.  I am still passing, but it’s not representative my what I am capable of doing.

Circumstances have not been kind lately.  Sickness has continued to bounce around our little home, and recently my daughter was sicker than she has been in years.  I was torn between the need to study for tests, write portions of my research paper, prepare for my clinical, and nurse the most important patient of all, my Little One.  Like any parent with multiple commitments and pulls on their attention, I suffered guilt almost as much as she suffered from her illness.  It tore at my heart-strings to leave her side and attempt to focus on school.  (not as successfully as I would have liked)  She was always in the most capable hands of both my husband and my mother, but not mine.

Short term loses, long-term gains…

This is the hope, but sometimes it is hard to see.  Maybe I could be more at peace if I had gotten an A on that weeks test instead of a C+, but probably not.  I am sure I would have convinced myself that I could have spared more of my study time for my baby girl, and shot for a B instead.

That is the thing about looking backwards too much.  There is way to be unhappy with every outcome, if unhappiness is what you are looking for.  I have my first week back into the class routine this week now that my spring break is over.  My girl is healthy again.  My slate is wiped a bit clean for me to focus on the last half of my second semester.  I can work at bolstering my grade, but more importantly, learning better.

The trick is looking forward.  Heres to tomorrow, and the next day.