Fun fact, I hate school. However, by the time I finish my DPN in Midwifery I will have been a post high school student for a minimum of 9 years. If someone had told me this when I was 19, I would have laughed and told them they had the wrong Jenny. Me, the girl who failed out of college in one year and had little hope, and no direction. I may not like school, but I do love learning, and I have discovered I am not very good at standing still. My life is always moving forward, ready or not, and each time I make a step I am adding an “and” to my history. I have been a Girl Scout camp caddy, and Cub Scout camp program specialist and pool director,and school district swimming program instructor and manager, and competetive swimming instructor, and door to door sales, and Lutheran camp counselor, and private swimming school instructor, and medical lab technician and Tupperware consultant, and back to full-time student, and nursing home dietary aide. It’s not about making my past as long and twisty as possible, it’s about the steps that help me arrive at each new destination. Each “and” has added richness and depth to my life.
I have been thinking a lot about my short and long-term goals and the “ands” I am planning for are building up too high. I have so many interests and desires. There is so much I want to accomplish, but I don’t want to dilute everything that is so good in my life either. I think if you add to many “ands” hand over fist, you really in truth have a nothing. I have some pretty high hopes for what will happen when I finally finish this degree. I want to head into grad school as soon as possible, I want to be a night labour and delivery nurse, I want to expand my little family (I can’t walk past a baby without cooing and picking names for the next little one to fill our lives), I want to travel more, I want to move to a bigger house, I want to study traditional midwifery in other cultures, I want to educate families, I want to have a bigger garden, I want to learn how to knit,I want…too much.
I just celebrated my 30th birthday, and I am happy to be where I am. I felt a call, and I have made been able to head down a new road with the loving support of my family. I had a bad year when I turned 27, and I never would have believed then that I would be here now (and as a note, I am need to remember to add a post about postpartum depression). I am so excited to see what comes next. I have decided to tear up and discard all my “ands” for now and focus more on the present. I am a Mom, I am a Wife, I am a Student. I hope that if I apply everything to these three endeavours that the rest of the “ands” that are in God’s plan will line up down the path. What I do know is that when I stop planning and desiring, amazing things happen. I decided to listen to God’s call, and now I am in school. Maybe if I just put my head back in my books and trust that God has a plan a little more, the “ands” that do happen will be a lot more interesting than the ones I plan for myself.