I should be asleep. I know this, but instead I find myself awake without reason or cause. I should not have turned on my computer at bedtime, but I did tonight, and I have suddenly felt it necessary to update a page that has for so long been untouched.
My last post was about the baby in my womb that I loved over and worried over, my Babycakes. And by the grace of God, she is here with me now. Perfect in everyway. Sleeping peacefully next to my bed. Every hair on her head kissed thousands of times by me, her father, and her two adoring siblings. Her presence has brought a joy and fulfillment I could never have imagined or expected. Her timing seemed off and rushed, but in fact it has been refreshing and perfect somehow.
Yes, She. A beautiful girl.
The past 12 months have not been what I expected or planned, and trust me, I am a planner… My work in home health care was simply not fitting. I tried it on in a couple different forms, but somehow I knew it just wasn’t right. I had not found my “work home”. I first thought that private duty was just not for me but stuck with it through out my pregnancy because it gave me the chance to limit my lifting and running around. These were very important things to keeping baby from making an early or scary appearance. It may not have been the job I Wanted, but it turned out to be the job I Needed. After a far too short maternity leave, I tried out visits. This I did love, but I became frustrated with other parts of the work and processes out of my control. I finally stopped trying to be happy where I wasn’t and began job searching again in July. By August I was hired!
This job is the one I was waiting for, and it has been everything I wanted and more. I had very limited work from August till now, giving me more time with my baby during this fleeting time of infancy, and in a couple short weeks, I will begin training into a new position which will bring us the financial stability we have been praying for all along. It has been a year of tremendous changes, wonderful and terrifying. It has been a year of growing as a family, both in numbers as well as in love. We take it all with a health dose of gratitude.
I know that at any moment she will wake, so it’s time to wrap up. I am sure I will also have to re-edit in the morning when I am thinking a little clearer and less sleepy. I just thought you should know that it’s all been worth it. The hours of study, the stress, the worry, the leaps of faith. I love being a nurse, I love being a mother, I love the life we are ever refining and cultivating.
So, here she is, the baby who was healed of her placental bleed, came four weeks early just because, and was perfectly fine anyway. The baby that made us a family of five, that gave my big girl a little sister, and made my little man a big brother. Our Maggie.